Ma Fella 'Mericans

Who watched The Presidents address to whoever today??

They had it on TV.... It was... well... typically American.

The speech went forever, namely because Bushy couldn't get a word in sideways without the bloody audience.

The speech went a little something like this.

MRNOBODY: Ladies and Gentlemen the president of the United States of America

*Standing Ovation, followed by basically every member in the house trying to shake bush's hand or slap his back, like he'd just scored the winning goal or something*

BUSH: Ma Fella 'Mericans

*standing Ovation*

BUSH: I'm here today to talk about Iraq

*Spontaneous applause, followed by a standing ovation*

BUSH: Hussein has been a very naught boy

*Standing ovation*

I mean, i was doing a workout at the gym, and i was able to do a 20 minute jog, go into the weights room, do my entire work out, come back out to do a walk, and he's still gassbagging.

Seriously, the brain dead idiots in the audience, clapped after every sentence. Didn't they notice their hands bleeding? Didn't they notice it was Getting dark outside? Didn't they notice Bushy's look was going from that standard Mildly Amused look, to a Mildly pissed off look.

I mean, is that what its like in the white house?

SPEAKER: Mr President

BUSH: Hi

*Spontanious Applause with added Bravo's*

SPEAKER: How are you sir

BUSH: I have a head ache and I need to pee

*Standing ovation with added "Well done sir"*

And Bushy's going on about how Iraq have thousands of tonnes of Anthrax, and thousands of tonns of all these fatal BioChemicals that could wipe out half the world, and you know how he knows???

The Bloody Americans sold Iraq the shit ages ago!

Bushy's going on about how bad Iraq is, and it has all these weapons that it hasn't made known or denied existance, or tried to explain the whereabouts of, and the only reason America knows, is cause america gave them the Weapons.

Thats kinda like telling tales out of school....

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Anyway, onto another topic,

I went to the Chiropractor today, I LOOOOOOOOVE going to the Chiropractor.

The Bad thing was, I had to drive with dad.....

Dads the type of person who, having had both his arms and legs cut off, would still deny there being anything wrong with him.

Dad had a heart attack a number of years ago now, and he's in the middle of the heart attack, and Mum ( a registered nurse) Decides to call the ambulance... Dads response?? "Theres nothing wrong with me, its nothing, i don't want to go to hospital"

So, dad wasn't in a terribly good mood to drive with... Dad, decided to drive...

It took us a year and a half to get there...

Now, I don't know about anyone else, but for any of you out there, that have a husband, father, brother, whatever, that work in the Energy Management field, or a Mechanical Engineers, or are big on the Environment, you'll cry with me here... THey're big on conserving everything.

It was quite warm today in Newcastle...Mid thirties... Air Conditioning Weather....

We're driving along on a full tank of fuel, and dad sticks his hand out the window and cheerily says

"Oh! Theres a lovely breeze blowing now, we don't need the air conditioner on"

Keep in mind that my dad has Hyperhydrosis (Excessive Sweating)

And is sitting in the car, WITH A TOWEL ~ mopping himself.

And he's trying to tell me that there is a lovely breeze blowing!!

I tell him not to be stupid, and to put the Air Conditioner on, and that i'll get all my hair messy, We have a fight, and he wins, so he sits there with his window down, i sit there with my window up, and he mops himself the WHOLE FUCKING WAY THERE.

LOVELY BREEZE MY ARSE.

He knows he's pissed me off, so he tries to make converstation.....

We pass a massive fenced off area and dad says

"Do you know whats in there"

"Nope..Trees. Big ones"

"No.... An Ash Lake"

"Wow."

*silence*

So we get to the chiropractor and walk into their beautifully Air Conditioned, Cold, Office.

Guess what dad Says when he walks in...

!

"Oh, its nice in here"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So after we finish, i have the car keys, and get in the drivers seat, dad comes out and tells me to get out,

"Not on your life buddy, i want to get home before the second coming"

Dad begrudgingly gets in...

So i'm driving home at Mach 3 and dad hasn't commented on my driving, i'm quite surprised, although he does have his hand on the handbreak which pisses me off greatly, so evertime i put the car in 2nd or 4th gear i make sure i elbow him nice and hard in the shoulder.

We're 3 streets away from where we live... 2km, and as i'm driving up to one of our turn offs, at 90km/h, Dad, who has held his peace the whole way, comments.

"Do you have someone tailgating you?"

"No, why"

Why did you accelerate? Your going up a hill, and you know you have to turn, why accelerate, i would have slowed down"

"Dad, the speed limit is 90"

"Yes but your about to turn"

"Not for another 100m Dad, Its no hassle"

"Well I would have been slowing down back there, thats a sign of bad driving"

"No its not, and i wouldnt have slowed down, and My driving is not bad!!!"

"I didn't say that"

"You did, you said thats a sign of bad driving, therefore my driving is bad, Just leave me alone, stop criticizing me for fuck sake."

"*snort* theres no telling you girls"

" OH GET OFF!"

*Silence*

Next week, i'm not going with him, i'll walk to the damn Entrance, i don't care....

Comments!!